Work/ School Balance

Yesterday was considered a big birthday. I’m 40. How am I 40? My life is nowhere near what I wanted it to be. I was supposed to be married with a few kids and a writing career. Yet here I am in my mom’s house and in school with a full-time job and no kids, just a crazy dog.

Yes, I have a house coming and yes I’m almost finished with school. I do have wonderful things in my life. I also have a plan for the whole kid thing if I don’t have any. I’m going to foster. Yes, I’m working toward improving my life. Yes, I’ll get there.

I still have plans, they’re just going to be later than I expected. I have decided that if I meet someone I’ll be happy, but if I don’t I can still be happy. I’ve been married and divorced. That actually is where my first novel came from. The anger and determination helped me write my first book. It’s also where my first tattoo came from. I’m happy being alone and there’s nothing wrong with that. I have friends and as I mentioned above, a crazy dog who demands attention.

I spent yesterday doing the same thing I’ve done every year on my birthday for the past few years. I watched a Pitch Perfect marathon (don’t judge me, I like the movies) and diamond painting. It actually felt like a normal day. I guess I’ve reached the point in my life where birthdays are just another day. One thing I didn’t do was homework. That is saved for today. I try really hard to not do homework on my birthday because I have always enjoyed the solitude of my ritual. I don’t think it would have mattered yesterday. I also took my dog to dog training, which is a normal Saturday thing for me. We walked around with other dogs and talked. It was a nice, normal Saturday.

One thing I learned a few years ago is to not make plans with anyone but myself on my birthday. It’s a jaded idea, but unfortunately, it’s true. I’d get excited about doing something and people would cancel, not show up, etc. That isn’t to say that is true of everyone. I was dating someone who took me out to an amazing dinner on my birthday a few years ago. My family also doesn’t generally cancel on me. I have been let down so many times on my “special” day by others that I don’t plan anything other than with family. Generally, I end up alone (on purpose) and watch my movies. I’m happy with that. I am truly happy being alone. As long as I have Amazon Prime and some cupcakes I am happy.

Being a writer means we prefer solitude, for most writers. I am a true introvert and I need my alone time. Most of the time I get overwhelmed in social situations. I get very quiet and I stay with people I know. I almost shut down just because I don’t like being around that many people. Over the years I’ve gotten better. At work I’m the complete opposite, but I work in a retail setting, I have to be. But if it’s something social in my personal life, unless you know me, you won’t hear much from me. I’m the one sitting in the corner with a book on my phone reading. I am very happy with my computer in my lap typing away.

Please, no one feel sorry for me being alone on my birthday. I chose to be that way and I’m happy with it. Feel free to feel sorry for me no longer being in my 30s though. It has been a hard pill to swallow. I’ll make it through. We all have to once we reach that point.